I am taking a break from all social media for awhile. This is to purge some negativity in my life. I know I don’t write much but I plan on changing that upon my return! I hope my few followers hang in there with me until I do return!
Or should we call it Ice day because all I’ve gotten is freezing rain and sleet!!! This makes like 8 or 9 snow days for us now.
morethanonefandom said: I am currently dating a guy who is in the police academy with the hopes of eventually marrying him. How do you cope with knowing your husband is in possibly dangerous situations? He told me one day he was being pepper sprayed in training and even that scared me.
First of all, congrats on being in a stable relationship! HURRAY!
If you really don’t care about reading about the dynamic of police families, just scroll on away. This is going to be longish.
I cope with having a police officer husband very well for two reasons:
- He works in a city with a low level of violent crimes. Officer involved shootings are extremely rare here. That’s not to say he doesn’t deal with The Crazies on a regular basis, but violence directed AT officers or situations in which he would need to use deadly force are very, very rare.
- He’s not stupid. I know that he operates with a clear mind and a level head at work, and I know he is going to use the best judgement to keep himself and his fellow officers safe.
Now, if he worked in a high crime city, I may feel differently. However, for 7 years, he worked midnights here. And midnights may be “slow” but when they deal with crime, they are dealing with CRIME. (Because what else are people getting into at 10 p to 6 a?) However, in all that time, I didn’t get too worked up about what he was involved in. Maybe it’s also the person I am that I don’t get worked up? He once had to chase someone from my apartment (off duty), gun drawn, and hold the guy until uniformed officers could arrive. I was just like, “Get him!”
However, here is the really hard part. Officers run on a “hyper vigilance rollercoaster.” That’s not me saying that, that’s Kevin Gilmartin saying that. His book “Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement” is a MUST READ for you an your boyfriend. In short, his adrenaline is up so high while on shift that he crashes when he gets home, and then it’s hard for him to be awake and involved. It takes serious work to make sure that crash into the Magic Chair of uninvolvement doesn’t happen. (Again, that was Gilmartin phrase, not me.)
Meh, the pepper spray thing is normal. They actually have a high risk of getting back spray from using it in the field, so they need to know what it feels like and how to cope with it. At least in my husband’s department, they didn’t have to be TASER’d to carry, but he along with others volunteered to do it so they’d know. (News flash: totally sucks.)
Honestly, I get more frustrated with his work schedule than anything. 2-10’s means I never see him. Midnights mean sometimes we can’t go do fun stuff with friends. 6a-2p means he can’t stay out late the night before. And then he’ll often have to stay over because something drummed up right at the end of his shift. Oh well. At least he gets compensated for his extra hours, which is more than teaching can say. :)
I’m super proud of my husband’s police work. He cares deeply about what he does and seeks out new knowledge and education about his job. I hate to sound totally braggy, but he’s way better than some of his coworkers in that respect. I think that keeps him “fresh” in his job and not in a bitter rut like some officers can be—I hope your boyfriend is the same way in that respect.
(But that doesn’t mean there won’t be nights where he rants about his job, and in that case you smile and nod, and when it happens too often you say, “Hey, you’ve been doing this a lot lately. What can we do to turn this around?”)
Seriously though, you need to read Gilmartin’s book. Husband actually went to one of the guy’s seminar’s and he was super impressed. It took me a while to read it (because parts of it hit way close to home), but I was ultimately glad I did. We recognize that between our two high demand jobs the relationship takes special care, and because we recognize that, it works.
Good luck! And wish your boyfriend luck from the two of us.
(Husband would like to add: “Being in a relationship with a cop is like being a relationship with Batman—only if Batman were cooler. But really, for the first couple years, he’s going to be totally ate up with law enforcement. For awhile, it’s all he’s going to want to talk about. It’s new, exciting, and frustrating and he’s going to want to process it. Probably out loud. Just a warning.”)
I would recommend “I love a cop” by Ellen Kirschman. My dad was in law enforcement for 22 yrs and found a lot of very insightful things!
Castle & Firefly ReferencesBest.
i may not be over it but i will never be as not over it as nathan fillion is
My 4th graders.
My kids, too!
My middle schoolersMy kindergarteners…
Yep that sums it up!
Can’t be said enough
My friend John says that no one should make any big decisions in January or February. We’re not in our right minds. We’ve had no sun, no real fresh air, no real exercise…it’s hard on the mind.
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